Boundaries and Communication Session Cheat Sheet
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Understanding Boundaries and Communication
Definition:
Boundaries are guidelines we create to protect our emotional, physical, and mental well-being.
Healthy communication is the ability to express your needs, feelings, and boundaries clearly and respectfully.
Signs of Poor Boundaries:
Difficulty saying "no."
Feeling responsible for others' emotions.
Overcommitting or neglecting your own needs.
Benefits of Healthy Boundaries:
Reduced stress and resentment.
Stronger, more respectful relationships.
Improved self-esteem and emotional clarity.
Types of Boundaries with Examples
Physical Boundaries:
Definition: Personal space, touch preferences, and physical safety.
Examples:
Asking someone not to hug you if you’re uncomfortable.
Requesting that people knock before entering your room.
Stating, “I’m not comfortable sharing this seat, can you move over?”
Emotional Boundaries:
Definition: Managing how much emotional energy is shared and with whom.
Examples:
Telling a friend, “I’m not ready to talk about this right now.”
Saying, “I need space to process my emotions before discussing this further.”
Limiting how much you take responsibility for others’ emotions.
Time Boundaries:
Definition: Prioritizing your time and respecting others' schedules.
Examples:
Informing coworkers, “I’m only available for work-related calls between 9 AM and 5 PM.”
Declining invitations by saying, “I need to focus on my family this weekend.”
Blocking off time for personal self-care activities.
Intellectual Boundaries:
Definition: Respecting thoughts, ideas, and beliefs during discussions.
Examples:
Asking, “Let’s avoid discussing politics if it’s going to upset either of us.”
Responding, “I don’t agree with your viewpoint, but I respect your right to express it.”
Stating, “Please don’t belittle my ideas in meetings.”
Material Boundaries:
Definition: Deciding how to share or protect possessions.
Examples:
Setting a limit: “I can lend you my car this weekend, but I need it back by Monday morning.”
Refusing: “I’m not comfortable sharing my passwords.”
Agreeing on terms: “You can borrow this as long as you’re careful with it.”
Sexual Boundaries:
Definition: Establishing mutual respect regarding intimacy and physical affection.
Examples:
Saying, “I’m not ready for this level of intimacy yet.”
Communicating, “Please ask before initiating physical contact.”
Clearly defining consent and preferences with a partner.
Key Communication Strategies
Use "I" Statements: Frame requests or issues as your experience.
Be Direct but Kind: Clearly state needs or preferences while showing empathy.
Practice Active Listening: Acknowledge the speaker’s words before responding.
Avoid Over-Explaining: Say what you mean concisely to prevent mixed messages.
Assert and Reaffirm: Be consistent and clear about boundaries while validating others' perspectives.
Self-Help Tips for Setting Boundaries
Reflect on Your Needs: Identify areas where you feel discomfort or resentment.
Start Small: Practice setting boundaries in low-stakes situations.
Be Consistent: Stick to your boundaries, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Use Support Systems: Talk to trusted friends or support groups about your boundary challenges.
Practice Self-Compassion: Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish; it helps you preserve your energy for what matters most.
SCG (Support, Compassion, Goal) Prompts
Support: What kind of support do I need to communicate my boundaries effectively?
Compassion: How can I show compassion to myself while reinforcing my boundaries?
Goal: What boundary will I practice setting or maintaining this week?
Journaling Prompts for Boundaries
What boundaries do I currently have, and how do they serve me?
Which areas of my life need clearer boundaries, and why?
How do I feel when someone respects my boundaries? How about when they don’t?
What’s one situation where I’ve struggled to set a boundary? What could I do differently next time?
How can I balance compassion for others with maintaining my personal limits?
Inspirational Quotes
"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others." – Brené Brown
"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." – Unknown
"Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously." – Prentis Hemphill
"When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated." – Brené Brown
"Good fences make good neighbors." – Robert Frost
"Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind." – Brené Brown
8 Boundary Setting Role Play Examples
1. Physical Boundary
Situation: Person A dislikes hugs, but Person B attempts to hug them.
What Person A Should Not Say:
"Ugh, don’t touch me. That’s so annoying!"
What Person B Should Not Say:
"Oh, come on, it’s just a hug. Don’t be weird about it."
What Person A Should Say:
"I’m not comfortable with hugs, but thank you for understanding."
What Person B Should Say:
"Thanks for letting me know, I’ll respect that."
2. Emotional Boundary
Situation: Person A shares a personal problem, and Person B offers unsolicited advice.
What Person A Should Not Say:
"Why can’t you just shut up and listen for once?"
What Person B Should Not Say:
"You need to just get over it and try harder."
What Person A Should Say:
"I appreciate your willingness to help, but I just need someone to listen right now."
What Person B Should Say:
"Got it. I’m here to listen without offering advice."
3. Time Boundary
Situation: Person A is busy working, and Person B keeps interrupting to chat.
What Person A Should Not Say:
"Can’t you see I’m busy? Go away!"
What Person B Should Not Say:
"You can multitask; just listen while you work."
What Person A Should Say:
"I’m on a tight schedule right now, but I’d love to chat later."
What Person B Should Say:
"Thanks for letting me know. I’ll check back later."
4. Intellectual Boundary
Situation: Person A expresses a political opinion that Person B disagrees with.
What Person A Should Not Say:
"If you don’t agree, you’re obviously ignorant."
What Person B Should Not Say:
"That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. How can you even think that?"
What Person A Should Say:
"I understand we may see things differently, and I respect that."
What Person B Should Say:
"Thank you for being respectful. I’ll do the same."
5. Material Boundary
Situation: Person A lends an item to Person B, who returns it damaged without apologizing.
What Person A Should Not Say:
"How could you ruin my stuff? I’ll never lend you anything again!"
What Person B Should Not Say:
"It’s not a big deal. You can just fix it."
What Person A Should Say:
"I noticed the item was damaged. Can we talk about replacing or repairing it?"
What Person B Should Say:
"You’re right, I’ll fix or replace it. I’m sorry for the trouble."
6. Relationship Boundary
Situation: Person A feels overwhelmed and asks Person B for space in their friendship.
What Person A Should Not Say:
"I don’t want to be friends with you anymore. You’re too much!"
What Person B Should Not Say:
"Why are you pushing me away? Are you mad at me?"
What Person A Should Say:
"I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately and need some time to myself. It’s nothing personal."
What Person B Should Say:
"Thank you for being honest. I’ll give you space."
7. Emotional Boundary
Situation: Person A doesn’t want to discuss a sensitive family issue, but Person B keeps asking questions.
What Person A Should Not Say:
"Stop being nosy. It’s none of your business!"
What Person B Should Not Say:
"I just want to help, so you should tell me everything."
What Person A Should Say:
"I’m not ready to talk about that right now. Thank you for understanding."
What Person B Should Say:
"I understand. I’ll stop asking and respect your space."
8. Sexual Boundary
Situation: Person A is not comfortable with certain physical affection in public, but Person B tries to initiate it.
What Person A Should Not Say:
"You’re embarrassing me! Can you stop being so clingy?"
What Person B Should Not Say:
"Why are you embarrassed by me? Don’t make this a big deal."
What Person A Should Say:
"I’d prefer if we kept things more private. It’s just what I’m comfortable with."
What Person B Should Say:
"Thanks for telling me. I’ll respect your comfort level."
Closing Mantra
You are enough.
Everything you need is inside of you.
You are a bright light.
The bright light in me bows to the bright light in you.
Namaste.
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